Carmen's Poems

homeless

It gets cold here.

Sometimes my sweater can’t take it,

So I shake myself to sleep.

His tender kisses are like food.

I get them once, twice a week if I’m lucky to see him.

I have to ration my thoughts of the feeling, or else I’ll run out.

Sometimes I forget that its sincere,

I’ll think its just a kiss; like a small, bland, bowl of tasteless oatmeal.

I keep to my own but,

I need warmth and I look for shelter.

I live in a house I’m not welcome in,

and that’s when it sinks in that I don’t have a real home.

Children who live in shacks live luxiorously.

When it gets cold, they have someone to hold.

Someone to hold in the middle of the night when the darkness

Grows black and the shadows get creepy

And when the phobia gets worse, they huddle closer to eachother

And its not so dark.

What does it feel like to have a warm bed?

When you’re not constantly thinking if someone will make you clean

At 2am because the dog pissed on the floor again. 

Whats it like to have someone understand

When work and school get too stressful so you need to take a break for a while.

Whats it like to have supportive parental guidance?

"Yes, you can"

Instead of

"No, you can’t"

"I believe in you."

Instead of

"In your dreams."

If I make it 1 more year, I’ll renew my vow.

My baby, I will love you

You will never be homeless,

Even if we’re hungry and poor.

You will always have a cradle in my arms.

-Carmen Quintana

cigarettes and beer

I loved you like my blood,

Sometimes I remember that I still do.

And that tears me apart.

All those nights we spent

Roaming the streets

Figuring out what to do,

Who to see.

All the boys we kissed in the same room

We lost our innocence on the same day,

Same house,

Different rooms.

The moments we’ve spent crying

And laughing

Its so hard to let go.

You bit me with your poison teeth, too many times to count.

I’d puff up and swell

And forgive you with the bitter puss

leaking from my aching mouth

I wanted you in my life.

I still do sometimes.

The moments we spent

With Cigarrettes and Beer

Overlooking the sunset and wishing moments like these would never end.

How sad is it to know that life catches up with us.

We grow older,

We grow up.

"Hey, I miss you, how have you been?"

“I’ve been good, and I miss you too.”

I miss you so much that I’m not going to sleep tonight.

Because I’m happy you called, but I’m sad it doesn’t get better than that.

-Carmen Quintana

"devoted"

I long to be the skin on your bones.

The freckles on your nose.

And the smile you hold when

You talk about music.

I long to be the blood in your veins.

The pumping of your heart.

And the air in your lungs when

You pull in and push out.

I long to be the guitar you strum.

Your guitar pick.

And your hands that move up

And down, like the way you strum

My body.

Sometimes I wish I could take back

Everything I’ve told you.

That way you could pretend

You fell in love with someone perfect.

I long to be your eyes that see.

Your mind that has this image of me.

I wanna love me like you do.

I want to see what you see.

I try to step outside myself, faking laughter in the mirror.

I fake my smiles, trying to find

The cute things men like in women.

But I don’t see what you see.

I get scared you’ll leave without a goodbye because you’re scared to see me cry.

Maybe I’m getting to close to the way you smell like shampoo and cologne.

I know I ask to write me a song, but you really don’t have to.

I’m just fine with the melodies you play me after we made love all those late Thursday afternoons.

I thought about the way you look at each string, the way you know your instrument so well.

I think about the times you make me laugh.

And I try not to get you mad, but I want to be unforgettable.

I like to brand my name before I go.

I’m not used to being completely naked around somebody.

Where I could lay there for days and listen to you breathe

Repeating “this is nice.” and saying “I love you so damn much.”

I like the way you kiss my neck, like its the last time you’ll kiss anything besides my lips.

I like the way you snore at night, because it reminds me someones there when it gets too dark.

I think about you everyday, and it scares me.

Because I don’t know how to stop the runaway train.

-Carmen Quintana

Untitled:

Feels like I’ve known you longer,


Well, in a way I have.


The way you huff when you’re stressed


And giggle when you’re happy.


The sarcastic little creases that


Draw the shape of your mouth and eyes


When you find something ridiculous. 


And I love the way your voice sounds, not only when you’re tired.


I can spend a whole week with you,


And still crave you in my bed made for two.


The breaths and sighs of ecstasy as you enter my being,


And the way you kiss my neck


As if to remind me that I’m not just anybody.


And the way your pulse swims through you and dives into the pours of my skin


Breathing rhythmically, like music.


And I love the way you look at me before bed as if you’ve found the one,


Because thats who I intend to be,


Thats what I’m aiming for.


I love the way you strum your hand on my back


As if I was your favorite guitar.


I wouldn’t trade a single thought of you for the world.


I love the way you make my love inifinite.

-Carmen Quintana