Chances Are

"Chances Are"

If the boss calls you a moron, pretend you are one because you probably are.  That's not to say you can't start a business like he did.  You have to start with the people who can't afford the clothes they're wearing.  Sell on an installment plan but don't charge them unless they are a few months delinquent on payment.  Then and only then, repossess their clothing.  Remember to charge them only what they can afford.  If they can afford a million, charge them a million.  Remember that a million to a billionaire is like a dollar to a penniless person.  So be smart like a robbin' hood.  Even if you go broke, wasn't it worth the gamble?  In high finance, anything’s worth a shot.  If you fail, you can always start anew.  It's always a pleasure of mine to give my clients advice, provided they pay a "premium price."  In the business world, you must treat your pennies as though they were dollars.  A billion pennies is like a million dollars.  Only don't bet that those bank trucks contain pennies.  The fact is that billions are like the pennies you see rolled into stacks of hundreds to the banks.  Who is the bank?  Why, you of course!  You and me together, my good brothers, can break the banks.  Nobody will be the wiser.  Our salaries will spin out of all proportion while the bums we were eat crumbs of bread, and that's no crap.  Everybody's got to eat after all.  Why not open a food store next???  You start by operating a small, overpriced grocery store, with little or no overhead.  You start the penny collecting business again.  Soon you own 12 supermarkets to middle class, upper middle class, and upper, upper, middle class.  You sell out to a higher-class chain of supermarkets and coin the phrase, "Supermarket Kingpin."  My advice to those = who don't want to go broke is stay with your union leaders.  Always know whom your dealing with, and seek inside advice.  Follow them, should heaven turn to hell for them and it won't for you.  Remember that only union members can buy quality merchandise.  However, always remember to stay out of union business, for it made our country the great place it is to live in.  Don't grow so old as to be suckered on a sour deal.  Remember the old days.  If it's good enough to be true, it is true.  Do on to others as you would have them do onto you.  Always be true to your children's, children's, children.

By Jonathan Billet

On A Crooked Day in April's Freeze's, Smelly Breezes That Will Cause Deep Sneezes.