homeless
It gets cold here.
Sometimes my sweater can’t
take it,
So I shake myself to sleep.
His tender kisses are like
food.
I get them once, twice a week
if I’m lucky to see him.
I have to ration my thoughts
of the feeling, or else I’ll run out.
Sometimes I forget that its
sincere,
I’ll think its just a kiss;
like a small, bland, bowl of tasteless oatmeal.
I keep to my own but,
I need warmth and I look for
shelter.
I live in a house I’m not
welcome in,
and that’s when it sinks in
that I don’t have a real home.
Children who live in shacks
live luxiorously.
When it gets cold, they have
someone to hold.
Someone to hold in the middle
of the night when the darkness
Grows black and the shadows
get creepy
And when the phobia gets
worse, they huddle closer to eachother
And its not so dark.
What does it feel like to
have a warm bed?
When you’re not constantly
thinking if someone will make you clean
At 2am because the dog pissed
on the floor again.
Whats it like to have someone
understand
When work and school get too
stressful so you need to take a break for a while.
Whats it like to have
supportive parental guidance?
"Yes, you can"
Instead of
"No, you can’t"
"I believe in you."
Instead of
"In your dreams."
If I make it 1 more year,
I’ll renew my vow.
My baby, I will love you
You will never be homeless,
Even if we’re hungry and
poor.
You will always have a cradle
in my arms.
-Carmen Quintana
cigarettes
and beer
I loved you like my blood,
Sometimes I remember that I
still do.
And that tears me apart.
All those nights we spent
Roaming the streets
Figuring out what to do,
Who to see.
All the boys we kissed in the
same room
We lost our innocence on the
same day,
Same house,
Different rooms.
The moments we’ve spent
crying
And laughing
Its so hard to let go.
You bit me with your poison
teeth, too many times to count.
I’d puff up and swell
And forgive you with the
bitter puss
leaking from my aching mouth
I wanted you in my life.
I still do sometimes.
The moments we spent
With Cigarrettes and Beer
Overlooking the sunset and
wishing moments like these would never end.
How sad is it to know that
life catches up with us.
We grow older,
We grow up.
"Hey, I miss you, how
have you been?"
“I’ve been good, and I miss
you too.”
I miss you so much that I’m
not going to sleep tonight.
Because I’m happy you called,
but I’m sad it doesn’t get better than that.
-Carmen Quintana
"devoted"
I long to be the skin on your
bones.
The freckles on your nose.
And the smile you hold when
You talk about music.
I long to be the blood in
your veins.
The pumping of your heart.
And the air in your lungs
when
You pull in and push out.
I long to be the guitar you
strum.
Your guitar pick.
And your hands that move up
And down, like the way you
strum
My body.
Sometimes I wish I could take
back
Everything I’ve told you.
That way you could pretend
You fell in love with someone
perfect.
I long to be your eyes that
see.
Your mind that has this image
of me.
I wanna love me like you do.
I want to see what you see.
I try to step outside myself,
faking laughter in the mirror.
I fake my smiles, trying to
find
The cute things men like in
women.
But I don’t see what you see.
I get scared you’ll leave
without a goodbye because you’re scared to see me cry.
Maybe I’m getting to close to
the way you smell like shampoo and cologne.
I know I ask to write me a
song, but you really don’t have to.
I’m just fine with the
melodies you play me after we made love all those late Thursday afternoons.
I thought about the way you
look at each string, the way you know your instrument so well.
I think about the times you
make me laugh.
And I try not to get you mad,
but I want to be unforgettable.
I like to brand my name
before I go.
I’m not used to being
completely naked around somebody.
Where I could lay there for
days and listen to you breathe
Repeating “this is nice.” and
saying “I love you so damn much.”
I like the way you kiss my
neck, like its the last time you’ll kiss anything besides my lips.
I like the way you snore at
night, because it reminds me someones there when it gets too dark.
I think about you everyday,
and it scares me.
Because I don’t know how to
stop the runaway train.
-Carmen Quintana
Untitled:
Feels like I’ve known you
longer,
Well, in a way I have.
The way you huff when you’re
stressed
And giggle when you’re
happy.
The sarcastic little creases
that
Draw the shape of your mouth
and eyes
When you find something
ridiculous.
And I love the way your voice
sounds, not only when you’re tired.
I can spend a whole week with
you,
And still crave you in my bed
made for two.
The breaths and sighs of
ecstasy as you enter my being,
And the way you kiss my neck
As if to remind me that I’m
not just anybody.
And the way your pulse swims
through you and dives into the pours of my skin
Breathing rhythmically, like
music.
And I love the way you look
at me before bed as if you’ve found the one,
Because thats who I intend to
be,
Thats what I’m aiming for.
I love the way you strum your
hand on my back
As if I was your favorite
guitar.
I wouldn’t trade a single
thought of you for the world.
I love the way you make my
love inifinite.
-Carmen Quintana
